The FCA (Franklin Cemetery Association)
publishes newsletters for local residents
and businesses to keep them informed on
the latest events and announcements.
See below for the latest activities:
ARTICLES AND LINKS
FROM LUCILLE ROSETTI
HOW I STAYED
HEALTHY AND SANE
AFTER MY MOTHER DIED
My mom died when I was 31. I had a toddler
and a nine-month-old baby. I was not ready
to be an orphan with no one to guide me
on how to parent my boys.
It was hard, but I could not let grief
overtake me because I had two lives that
depended on my health and sanity.
It’s been more than a decade, and I still
reflect on all of the things I did in those
early days that helped me through the
worst. Today, I would like to share those
with some help from Franklin Cemetery.
I FOCUSED ON MY KIDS
When I got the call that my mom died,
I was walking in the door with my
three-year-old after shopping for a
Christmas gift for his baby brother.
I hit the floor, and things went dark.
This complete disconnect from life lasted
for about three seconds before
my motherly instincts kicked in.
At that moment, I knew that I had
to focus on my kids.
It was easy when they were little;
maintaining these relationships
has been more difficult with age, but the
challenges have been worth it.
My boys are now teenagers, and they
continue to help me every day to process
being a mom without a mom.
I CLEANED - A LOT
Considering that I had a baby and a toddler,
my house was a bit of a wreck.
We were living a fairly carefree life,
and it didn’t really bother me that
ride-on toys and rattles were scattered
throughout the house.
But after my mom’s funeral, I decided
I needed my house to be cleaner and more
organized. While I did keep a few rooms
for the kids to make messes, I completely
decluttered the living room, cleared
the closets, and purged the pantry.
I also turned our downstairs guest room
into my “cry room,” where I could sit
in solitude and focus on my feelings,
similar to meditation.
I THOUGHT ABOUT
CREATING A
SCHOLARSHIP FUND OR
STARTING AN NPO
Something that I did not do that I wish I had
started a scholarship or a nonprofit in
my mom’s name. She was a nurse
that came from a poor, rural home,
and I thought setting up an NPO
or scholarship fund for others in her
position might make me feel better.
I did the research, and I even figured out
how to start a nonprofit so that I could
apply for grants. I went as far as writing
bylaws and imagining how I would hold
board meetings and handle voting
and other issues.
Calvin Rosser actually has a lot of good
information on setting up a scholarship
fund, which I think might have actually been
more difficult than starting a nonprofit.
Another vital step for nonprofits is
marketing, of course. These days,
social media helps a lot, but you can still
do yourself a big favor by creating your
business cards online using free templates
that you can customize as needed.
These are a great, tactile supplement to
I CHANGED MY DIET
I was on the tail end of my breastfeeding
journey with my second when my mom died.
But I wasn’t eating as well as I should,
even if I was eating as much as I should.
About a month after she passed, my son
self-weaned, so I started writing down
everything I ate. I also started eating
more fruits and vegetables, and I cut beef
completely out of my diet. Actually,
Vanderbilt Medical Center recommends
a lot of the same changes that I made.
I ACCEPTED MY
MOM'S TOXIC TRAITS
I loved my mom. She was my only parent
and the only person in the world that I ever
thought looked out for me as a child.
But she was also insecure, self-centered,
and highly inflexible. I inherited all of those
traits. It’s taken years, but something
that has helped me stay sane and
emotionally healthy is accepting that my
mom wasn’t perfect and acknowledging
that I could not raise my children in the
same type of toxic environment that I grew
up in. I still struggle with my inner turmoil
on this but knowing that my children don’t
deal with the same range of emotions as
I did helps.
Some say that grief goes away, but it
doesn’t. It’s always there in the back of your
mind like the uncomfortable tag of your
otherwise favorite sweater. But there are
many things that I did that have helped me
learn to manage my grief and stay healthy
and well for the last 10+ years. Keeping my
house clean, prioritizing my children over my
pain, and accepting my mom’s bad behavior
have all helped. If I could go back and do it
again, I may have channeled some energy
into memorializing the best parts of her
with an NPO or scholarship. And, who
knows, I still just might.
Franklin Cemetery is here to serve
our community with dignity and respect.
Questions? Please call (248) 200-9493.
HOW TO DEAL WITH PRE-
GRIEVING AND HONOR YOUR
LOVED ONE
It's an unavoidable part of life, yet it haunts
us the most. What do we do as a loved one
comes to the close of their life? Pre-grief
is a process similar to grief, only the loved
one has not yet passed away. And there
can be drawn out consequences if you
don't take care of yourself and process that
pre-grief, or anticipatory grief. That’s why
Franklin Cemetery has put together some
resources to help you through your struggles
with this rarely discussed aspect of grief.
LEARN ABOUT THE
CONDITION
If you're in the early stages of pre-grief, or
if your loved one has just been diagnosed,
research as much as you can about the
condition your loved one suffers from. The
more knowledge you have about the
coming situation, the more you can prepare.
The more prepared you are, the less shock
you may feel as things happen.
Being educated and prepared can give you
more of a sense of control over the
situation, whereas feeling helpless and
unable to provide comfort can contribute
to feelings of depression. Familiarize
yourself with the signs of pre-grief. From
sadness to anger to loneliness and fear,
the symptoms are similar to post-death
grief. Grief can also produce a host of
physical symptoms such as weakened
immune response and heart problems.
The more you are aware of what
you're experiencing, the more you can
begin to process.
REACH OUT
Sadness can lead to depression if left
unchecked. It is important to realize that
the symptoms may be similar, but are not
identical, to post-death grief. You may be
mourning the loss of the life you've had
with your loved one, not yet the death. You
may desperately miss the little things you
did with your loved one, as well as the
bigger things. If you expect yourself to
have adjusted to the idea of life without
them, once your loved one passes, you
may find yourself spiraling into depression.
One of the best things you can do during
this time is to reach out to those you love
for support. It may also be beneficial to
find a counselor, someone who is trained
and can remain objective as you manage
your grief. They may recommend a support
group, and you may find comfort in the
fellowship of those in similar situations.
HOW TO HONOR YOUR
LOVED ONE FOR A
LIFETIME
This may be the perfect time to understand
the final wishes of your loved one, so you
can pay tribute to the life they lived. You
may want to place a plaque in one of their
favorite places, like a bench at a park or
by the sea. You could also set up a non-
profit that does work honoring the memory
of your loved one. You may want to start a
blog or journal about their life, as a
testimony to them. You can hold
conversations with them, talk to them
about your life or things that made you
think of them throughout your day.
Make your chosen tribute as public or
private as you like. Simply find something
that is meaningful to you and fills you with
peace, joy or love. By finding ways to
remember them, to honor your loved one,
you’ll not only achieve a sense of closure,
but you can remind yourself of the love
you had for each other.
Anticipating the loss of someone close to
you presents its own kind of grief.
Recognizing the unique challenges and
opportunities in such a situation is critical
in managing your own well-being during
this difficult time. With a little help, you can
and will transition through this difficult
period.
Franklin Cemetery has a long standing
reputation of service in offering a place of
dignity, rest, and peace for the families of
Franklin Village. Call (248) 200-9493.
4 FINANCIAL ISSUES
WIDOWED SENIORS FACE
(AND HOW YOU CAN
HELP)
As couples move through their lives
together, they know that one day, one of
them will have to face the loss of the other.
No one wants to imagine life without the
person they love the most, but it is an
unavoidable reality.
If you have a senior loved one who has
recently lost their spouse, they probably
wish they could simply take time to grieve
- but instead, they have a long list of
financial duties that they need to fulfill
within a short timeframe. You can take an
active role in helping them manage their
finances to lighten their load.
Franklin Cemetery shares a few important
tasks that you can assist your senior loved
one with if they recently became widowed.
LEGAL ADVOCACY
In some cases, you or another reliable
family member may be able to act as a
legal advocate for your loved one. For
example, your loved one may be dealing
with a chronic illness that inhibits their
capabilities and prevents them from
making important decisions. In this case,
your loved one likely has a living will
already written that lays out their wishes,
and they can name someone as a
power of attorney to act on their behalf.
Their spouse may have named your loved
one as executor of their will, but if not,
another relative is likely taking on this
important role. Going forward, you will
likely have to discuss any important
financial and legal matters with the
executor of the estate.
FUNERAL EXPENSES
According to Legacy.com, a traditional
burial and funeral service can cost over
$8,000. It’s common for people to be
shocked at the price tag when it comes to
making funeral arrangements for a loved
one. If your senior is trying to figure out
how to cover the cost, help them get in
touch with the funeral home and come up
with a payment plan, or decide which
services to prioritize.
INVESTMENTS
After their spouse’s death, your loved one
may come into some money. For instance,
if their spouse had a life insurance policy,
they would receive payments. They might
also receive some money through the
estate settlement process. If their spouse
generally managed the household finances,
they may not be sure of the smartest way
to invest or spend this money.
Schedule a meeting with a financial advisor
who can steer your loved one in the right
direction. Take time out of your day to
attend the meeting with them and discuss
their plans afterwards.
DEBT
Your loved one may be responsible for
paying back their spouse’s credit card debt
or medical bills. If so, work together to
come up with a repayment plan. According
to US News, your loved one may be able to
negotiate with the hospital billing
department to reduce their bills.
Navigating these systems can be
complicated and intimidating. Be there with
your loved one while they contact their
credit card companies and health insurance
provider - they may have lots of questions,
and you can help them wade through any
confusion.
For many seniors, losing their spouse will
be one of the hardest things they ever go
through. As their loved one, one of the
most supportive things you can do is help
them handle their new financial
responsibilities. They will be grateful for
your guidance during this difficult time.
AN ACT OF KINDNESS:
MAKING END-OF-LIFE
DECISIONS IN ADVANCE
Nobody wants to think about their death
and what happens afterward, but failing to
do so can leave a confused mess for your
loved ones to figure out. That’s not a great
idea because the ones you leave behind
will be emotionally compromised, and the
last thing they’ll want to do is make last-
second arrangements about matters such
as cremation or burial, graveside service or
full-service funeral home service, and
viewing of the body or no viewing. Not
knowing your wishes, your family may feel
uncomfortable not knowing whether
they’re handling things the way you’d have
wanted. That’s one reason it’s important to
overcome a natural reluctance to discuss
death and make your final dispositions
END-OF-LIFE
ARRANGEMENTS
Making your end-of-life arrangements
ahead of time is about more than just
deciding what hymn should be played at
your funeral service. You’ll need to make
arrangements for end-of-life care, which
should include discussing options
concerning life-sustaining treatments;
determining what treatments an individual
would or would not desire if facing a
life-ending condition; and making
official advance directives in case you’re
incapacitated. Advanced care planning
discussions and arrangements are helpful
to healthcare providers as well as family.
FUNERAL PLANNING
Determining funeral arrangements in
advance takes the burden off your loved
ones, but you may not want to prepay for a
funeral. If your plans change or you leave
the state where you purchase a funeral
plan, you stand to lose your money in
cancellation fees. Instead, set aside
money for the purpose so you can
comparison shop when it’s time to make
your final arrangements.
REMEMBRANCE
Think about expressing to your loved ones
how you want to be remembered and
honored. Memorializing can help your
loved ones through the grieving process.
It can be simple, like keeping your ashes
in a beautiful urn displayed at home. Or,
it can be creative; for example, if you
love the ocean, you can ask that your
ashes be incorporated into a coral reef
to help nurture it. If you love to cook, your
loved ones can have your recipe cards
printed onto an apron. If you love nature,
and a loved one has space in their
backyard, you can ask them to create a
memorial garden.
HAVE THE DISCUSSION
Don’t expect your family to be any more
enthused about discussing death and
funeral arrangements, but it’s an important
discussion to have. Those closest to you
need to understand your wishes, so be very
clear and frank with everyone so there’s no
misunderstanding and to minimize the
likelihood of a conflict arising among
family members once you’ve passed away.
It may help to make loved ones part of the planning process and ask for help in
determining the best and most cost-
effective options. If family members are
involved in the planning, they’re less likely
to contradict decisions you’ve made.
DISPOSITIONS
Assigning individual responsibilities is an
important part of the planning process and
very necessary so that those you leave
behind have the authority and legal right to
make decisions about you and your estate.
That’s why people give a trusted individual
power of attorney to act on their behalf
when they’re unable to, someone to
administer a living will, and someone to
dealwith social security, life insurance
issues, selling your home, and legal forms
once you’re gone.
MEMORIAL SOCIETY
Joining a memorial society puts you in
touch with the necessary information to
make financially sound decisions when it
comes to funeral planning. You can access
price surveys of funeral homes and receive
guidance in funeral planning. In some
cases, they’ll negotiate discounts for
members at local funeral homes.
Considering the savings (and that it costs
less than $100 to join), membership is well
worthwhile.
Ultimately, making end-of-life
arrangements is an act of love and
consideration for your family. Not leaving
anything to question will make the grieving
process easier for your loved ones. It’ll be
a rough time, so do your loved ones a favor
by taking difficult decisions out of their
hands.
For more detailed information on Franklin
Cemetery, call 248-200-9493.
Image courtesy of Pixabay.com
Coping with grief during a loved ones
terminal illness by Lucille Rosetti:
http://thebereaved.org/coping-with-
grief-during-a-loved-ones-terminal-
Helping seniors cope with the loss
of a spouse by Lucille Rosetti:
http://thebereaved.org/helping-
END-OF-LIFE SEMINAR
(POSTPONED)
Date: SCHEDULED FOR A LATER DATE
Few people have taken the necessary
steps to be prepared for their eventual
death. Oftentimes, that failure produces
problems, making it more difficult for
patients and their families to handle
end-of-life issues in an appropriate
manner. As a public service to help abate
this oversight, the Franklin Cemetery
Association is hosting a 5-part
Seminar on “End-of-Life Issues and
Solutions.” These free seminars will be
held at Franklin Community Church on five
consecutive Wednesdays, April 15-May 13
at 7 pm.
For more information, please
download our flier here.